I met a man who had enormous passion and his voice got progressively louder as he told me, “I’ve talked with my boy, I’ve begged him to listen, I’ve yelled and then I’ve yelled even louder.  My boy refuses to listen to me.”

Their relationship is getting bitter – not better.

Now is the time to make a decision

So let’s ask a few simple questions about your relationships, and especially about the communication inside your relationships. 
1. What is working for you? 
2. What is not working so well?
3. What exactly is your “plan”?

Most of the folks I’ve met don’t have any “plan” for getting better.  Instead, they keep on doing the same things that they have always done, and somehow hope for a different result.  I remember a childhood friend whose dad repeatedly grounded him, and every grounding got longer and longer as if the boy might finally “get it” if he was punished just a little harder. 

The dad must have reasoned, “If I just work my plan a little harder, my boy will get it.”  Yell louder, make them go to bed hungry, swear a little, or perhaps get really upset.    

I think it is obvious that these kinds of “plans” don’t work, so the real question must be, “How can I have a good plan?” 

First we must begin with a picture of the end result we want to achieve.  It is just like getting in your car and knowing your destination.  For example, I see my family living in harmony, laughing together, working together and experiencing joy in every aspect of life.  

Second, we must make a firm decision as to how important it is for us to achieve our vision.  Is our destination really going to be “Harmony Lane,” or are we simply jumping in our car for a temporary little joy ride that brings us nowhere?  For example, suppose my children interrupted me while I was in the middle of writing this very important article which you are reading right now.  I am on a writing roll, in the groove, making it happen – yet my children interrupted me.  So what is my real priority in my life?  Is it my writing or my relationships with my children?  I must decide.

These first two steps are the most crucial steps anyone can take.  We cannot change our lives until we first examine who we are and decide who we want to be.   Without a thorough examination and a decision on your part, you will almost assuredly go back to your old ways.

Once you have made your decision, you must say it out loud, “This is who I want to be in my relationships….”  This is how I will react to others.  This is my stance, my position, my foundation.  Hopefully you have written it down in detail.

Next we must become a disciple of our decision.  When we are a disciple it means we are a devotee and follower of an ideal.    It is your decision of who you want to be, so now it is purely a matter of putting your decision into action.  This begins with discipline. 

The word discipline and the word disciple have the same root meanings.  They mean that you will do whatever it takes to reach your goal.  In short it means:
• You will follow through. 
• You will tell others about your decisions and ask them to help you. 
• You will read about your ideals, study and do whatever it takes to achieve your end. 

Simply put, it means you are going to surround yourself with words, people and activities that will help you put your ideals into practice. We’ve all heard, “You are what you eat,” yet I believe we are truly what we put into our eyes and ears and thoughts.  Garbage in equals garbage out.  If I want to have great relationships with my family and friends, then I need to learn from others who have already studied these topics.   Perhaps I need to ask my minister for a recommendation on several good books.

Having a strong plan and being a disciple of good relationships may not be easy.  But the alternative is so much harder and uglier.   Unfortunately, the bottom line says:  If your child does not feel the right kind of love from you, they will find it somewhere else – perhaps in drugs, sex, pornography, alcohol or violence. 

Your children desperately want to be loved – by you.  Today is a great day to start your new plan.  ThumbPeople.com can help.